What I've Been Up To.

**Trigger Warning: themes of depression & anxiety some readers may find triggering.**


There are a lot of things that I don't have the courage to say out loud. I might never have it. That's why writing is great. You can write whatever you want, and you can go back and edit it and re-read it and make sure you're saying exactly what you want to be saying, in the coolest manner you can think to phrase it, and you don't even have to watch people react to it.

You don't have to witness their reaction all over their face in real-time as it happens, and you don't even have to hear about it afterwards, if you don't want. You can avoid it forever. This blog had 34 comments waiting for moderation from a year ago and I just looked at them for the first time five minutes ago. Two were unpleasant. I deleted them without reading them completely. I wish real life could be handled the same way.

By and large, my audience is very understanding. You make excuses and allowances for me when I don't deserve them, which is really nice of you. You say: sure, life is hard, real life is difficult and complicated and I'm sure you have stuff going on and that comes first, family comes first, jobs and real life and actual legitimate life stuff comes first. You're busy, you don't owe us anything, there's only so much you can do, you just take your time.

Here's the truth: I wasn't busy. I'm very seldom busy. I don't have a hectic career or family life, I'm not on any committees. I don't have social clubs or sports or events and I'm not training for a marathon. I don't even have a socially-acceptable hobby, like playing an instrument or gardening.

It's been over a year, and what have I been doing? What terrible, horrific things have I been dealing with, what hectic work schedule that would leave me no energy, no time, no motivation to post or respond to e-mails or talk to anyone for a year? None whatsoever.

I'd prefer to lie. I'd prefer to tell you someone in my family was ill or something was going on at work or some vague "family problems" line that would make everyone back off because you're decent, understanding, allowance-making people. Sometimes I'd prefer to get aggressive and lash out. Who are you to make demands of my time? You don't own me. I don't work for you. I don't owe you anything.

Except I do, to some of you, and in fairness, no one is making demands of me, or my time, but me. No one has unreasonable expectations of me but me. I'm the one setting myself up to fall, and kicking myself when I do. I'm the one imagining that you're all sitting there shaking your heads, judging me, being disappointed in me, when in reality you probably have better things to do. You, probably, actually have some of that legitimate life stuff I mentioned going on. 

Now it's the dramatic revelation time. The part in this rant where I admit some deep, vulnerable secret about myself, that makes you feel sorry for me, wins you back to my side, and makes you feel guilty for ever being annoyed with my failure to live up to my commitments. This is the part where I wonder if the confession is just scapegoating out of it under the guise of being vulnerable and admitting a deep, shameful truth, and if I should just apologise and crawl back to my empty life, ashamed.

I think I can do something in-between. The deep, vulnerable truth is this: 
I'm mentally ill.

It's not as much of a big deal as it used to be. It's not surrounded by as much stigma as it used to be. It's not really dramatic at all. I don't hear voices, I don't want to hurt people, I don't think satellites are following me. Neither does it excuse my behaviour. I'm still responsible for what I do, or what I don't do. 

It probably isn't even much of a revelation; a lot of you already know, and for those who don't, well, so what? 1 in 4 people in the UK have some diagnosed mental illness, according to one of my assessing psychiatrists. Everyone has their "things" and if the statistics are right, maybe as many as one quarter of you are as fucked in the head as I am.

I think we often want to believe that our own hangups are totally unique. No one can understand my thought patterns, or how I feel about this. Even if they think they do, they still won't get it. Not really. It is deeply personal, it is tied intrinsically to my being, it is at the core of who I am and how I live my life. You haven't been through what I've been through, you couldn't possibly understand.
This usually isn't true. A lot of people understand, a lot of people even feel extremely similarly to the way I do about things. I've met some of them. There's a kind of moment you have when you've got a diagnosis that fits, and you're reading the information you've been given about it, and you see some of your most private, most belittling, most tormenting thoughts, things you don't even want to admit to yourself, written out on a page that has been photocopied out of a textbook. 
That's when I realised that maybe the things I think aren't universal truths, and maybe other people would understand - maybe some of them feel the same way, I mean, they've written a book on it. 

I'm diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder (you know, 'clinical' depression, as opposed to regular feeling sad), Social Anxiety Disorder and agoraphobia. It fits. They're three separate things here, although they aren't always. 
AnxietyUK describes agoraphobia as:
Agoraphobia is a very complex phobia usually manifesting itself as a collection of inter-linked conditions.
For example many agoraphobics also fear being left alone (monophobia), dislike being in any situation where they feel trapped (exhibiting claustrophobia type tendencies) and fear travelling away from their ‘safe’ place, usually the home. Some agoraphobics find they can travel more easily if they have a trusted friend or family member accompanying them, however this can quickly lead to dependency on their carer.
The severity of agoraphobia varies enormously between sufferers from those who are housebound, even room-bound, to those who can travel specific distances within a defined boundary. It is not a fear of open spaces as many people think.

If you want to find out more about agoraphobia, you can find out here. For more information on Social Anxiety Disorder, try here and here. For more information on depression, look here.
There are plenty of other resources online, of course, if you google.

Having a diagnosis helps. Seeing the worst thoughts you have about yourself written by someone else in a textbook helps. Knowing that mental illness lies helps. Knowing that other people feel similarly, or have felt similarly, or have been through similar, or are going through similar, helps. Especially if they're out the other side and managing - through the long process of hard work and a lot of help - to be crafting a life worth living, and to be enjoying it. 
It helps me to think that, maybe I am not just this person. Maybe I'm not just this unhappy, pathetic, worthless person who finds the simple every day tasks others take in stride so monumentally difficult. Maybe the things I think about myself, the things that I think strangers outside are thinking about me, aren't true. Maybe I'm worthy of love. Maybe I'm not defective. Maybe I can be happy, be with friends, have a life. If it is possible, then I know that I'll have to work for it, I know it's a long process, I know that it's difficult, and I know that it's terrifying. Even the thought of getting, or being better, is terrifying. This might not make much sense to some of you, so I will try to explain.

We all have our things. We are the way we are for a reason. The feelings and the fears and the behaviours I have, developed to protect me. I came from a very difficult upbringing and I learned to hide from people and to protect myself because it was necessary. Now, as an adult, and away from those people, I know that it isn't necessary any more. The behaviours I learned to keep myself safe, now just keep me unhappy, and keep me from having a fulfilling life. They are detrimental, but it took years to learn them and it takes a long time to unlearn them, and it's frightening, to try and let go of something that you have kept for years and needed to be safe. It's all you know, it's all you've relied upon, and it's terrifying, to imagine myself in a life without them, doing the things that scare me so much now, and to actually work towards that goal.

I've had therapy and medication and it's an ongoing process. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful psychologist who helped me to fully understand what was going on in my head, and who supported me as I made some progress. That relationship ended recently, as Cognitive Analytical Therapy is not meant to be ongoing and has a set limit on the number of sessions you can have (at least, on the NHS) which we reached, and unfortunately she doesn't work privately. I am struggling to keep the ground that I made in the wake of that loss, and am still looking for ongoing therapeutic support.

I pointed out that my mental illness doesn't mean that I'm not responsible for my actions, which is true. I explain all of this because, this is what I have instead of being busy. This is why I find some simple tasks to be so incredibly difficult. This is why I get overwhelmed, and why I withdraw, and this is why I'm giving up.
I start to make progress, I post a few times a week, I keep to a schedule, I respond to comments. I begin to feel that, because I've demonstrated I'm capable of doing this, I have to keep doing it. Innocuous comments making requests or even just saying that they like my writing become, in my mind, obligations that I must meet. I slip, I'm late on a post. I don't feel funny that day. I don't like makeup, or anything else that day. I'm depressed, and I can't think of anything to write that isn't self-piteous whining. So I don't write, and it's late. I feel ashamed, I feel like I'm failing. I put it off even more, because if I write it and post it, then it will just remind everyone who's forgotten about it that it was late, remind them I'm here, remind them to be disappointed in me. It passes the point of acceptable lateness and crosses into "something must be wrong" lateness. I can't explain what is wrong. I'm not busy with work, there's nothing wrong with me that anyone can see, that I have obvious evidence of. I don't have an excuse for my massive incompetence and failure to meet even the most basic level of human responsibility. So I stay away. I'm too ashamed of myself and too afraid to own up to it, and I think if I do anything, if I post anything at all, try to gloss over it, or respond to e-mails, I'll be inundated with perfectly innocent questions - how have you been? What have you been up to? - questions I hate. Perfectly innocuous, with no ill intent behind them whatsoever, but what can I say? I haven't been anywhere. I've been doing nothing. I've just felt like shit, that's all. I've been failing at basic tasks that everyone else on the fucking planet just gets on with and does without all the mental melodrama. 
I can't say that, so I don't say anything, and I stay away.

This last time is worse, because I know I fucked up. I actually do owe, some of you, something. Some of you donated to charity on the basis of a promise I made and then didn't deliver. I'm sorry. It isn't okay. Don't let me off the hook. I should have done it, or I should have done something about it sooner. I should have been a grown-up about it, and I haven't been, and I am sorry. I will refund anyone's donations who donated to buy a rant, please e-mail me so I can make it right. The address is the same - anastasia [at] lipsticksandlightsabers [dot ] com
Please don't feel awkward, or like you should feel sorry for me, because I fucked up and I owe you and you are in the right to ask for it.

I know my critics will think that this whole thing is, in fact, just self-piteous whining, that I want your attention and am scapegoating my past poor behaviour and manipulating you into forgiving me. I'm being as sincere as I can and I can't do anything about what people think about that. I've always tried to be honest here, but I've never been this honest. I'm afraid of giving this information away to the enemies I've made. I've crafted a confident online persona for myself, kept it separate from myself so I could maintain the illusion of not giving a shit when someone leaves me a shitty comment. If they didn't know me, or my weaknesses, they couldn't hurt me.
And some of them I deserve, or at the very least, invite. I've felt superior to the 'bitchy mean girls' and the make-up drama, certain that I was above it all, imperious, or failing that, that I was certainly on the obviously Right Side. One of the white hats. One of the good guys. I've been brutally honest at times, grandstanding, a hypocrite at others, and sometimes, a bitchy mean girl.
Every angry, passionate person thinks that they're on the right side. We can't all be, all the time. 

I can think of some posts that I'm ashamed of. I won't list them, there aren't many, but they're there. I've bitched, and flung mud, and felt superior, and been morally outraged at others who did the same thing on the other side. I thought it was okay because they were The Enemy, but really they're just other women, aren't they?
I've never knowingly lied, but I certainly could have been more mature, or behaved with more decorum, civility, decency, and humanity than I at times have. I think it's important, for myself, that I face up to that and acknowledge that I don't want to do that any more. Maybe I'm growing up.

I'm not back. I have no plans to resume blogging in the foreseeable future. I'm sorry to anyone who is saddened by that news, but blogging has become something that makes me unhappy, and I don't owe it to anyone to make myself miserable for entertainment.
Part of me would like to delete the whole thing, but another part of me thought that would be childish, and that the adult thing to do would be to take responsibility for myself, for my poor decisions and the promises I didn't live up to, to give an explanation to those of you to whom one is owed,  and move on.

I'm not ashamed of everything I've done here. I'm proud of most of it. I feel that the bad parts are definitely in a minority, and I think that we have helped to share a lot of joy, a lot of love for products made by hard-working and talented people, and we've laughed a lot. I've learned a lot. I've accomplished some things and failed at others, but I've tried. I've met remarkable people and made friends. I've lost some of them, driven some away, and kept others who have inexplicably stood by me throughout and help me to see the worthy parts of myself every day. 
I want to thank everyone who's ever read my posts, and everyone who got to the end of this one, whether you are a reader, lurker, friend, former-friend, or anything else.

Thank you for your time, your input, your support, and I wish you all a wonderful 2013.
 

Hiatus

The blog is going on hiatus for a while. I'm not sure how long, but I need a break from the internet.


During this time, I'll continue to work on the rants (Team Pink Eye is at $848 now!) and the new site (which is almost done). It's unlikely there will be any new posts here until I simply switch to the new site, except for the custom rants. The domain will remain the same, so as long as you're coming to www.lipsticksandlightsabers.com you'll find it when it launches.

I hope everyone has a great Halloween, and a wonderful Bonfire Night to my fellow Britons!

Vicarious anger saves your blood pressure.

Don't give yourself a heart-attack; Lipsticks & Lightsabers rants so you don't have to!
In addition to purchasing your own, custom rant, you can now also adopt one of the pre-existing rants on Lipsticks & Lightsabers, like this one.

Why?

Adopting a rant can allow you to have all the satisfaction of having thoroughly pwned the subject of the rant, without feeling the necessary rage and raising your blood pressure. Vicarious anger through your adopted rant is better for your health!

Adopted rants will feature a box like this one:

This independent little rant has been adopted by Your Name.
Learn more about adopting your own rant for charity right here.


Which tells everyone the name of the adoptive parent(s), and links to a site of their choice. Adopting popular rants is a great way to drive more traffic to your site and improve search results.

Plus, you know, it goes to charity.

What?

For the same donation, $10 or more, you can pick any existing rant on the blog and adopt it. Adopted rants will have a box like the one above including the name and link of the adoptive parents (more than one person can adopt the same rant, and you can adopt more than one) and a link to this post.
The box, and your link, will stay there permanently. Adopting popular rants is a great way to drive traffic to your site, however you should be sure it is a rant you want to be associated with.

Adoptive parents will also receive a digital certificate of adoption via e-mail, which isn't pictured because I haven't made it yet. It'll be fancypants though!

Just like with the custom rants, adopting a rant will also make you eligible to enter all of the TPE giveaways this week (but you'll have to visit the blogs and comment to enter!)

How?

Just click right here and click 'Donate to Frances' who is the Team Pink Eye team captain for donations. Pick any donation amount of $10 or over, and in the note box on the donation form, make sure to include the note: Lipsticks & Lightsabers.

When you've donated, e-mail anastasia@lipsticksandlightsabers.com telling me which rant(s) you'd like to adopt and the name and link you'd like the box to show.

Bonus

Anyone who either purchases a rant or adopts one will also be able to enter all of this week's TPE giveaways without needing to donate again. Just comment on the blog giveaways to enter!
Here they are:

Tits or GTFO

This independent little rant has been adopted by Frances Danger.
Learn more about adopting your own rant for charity right here.


It was brought to my attention by a kind soul (and I assume now former fan) on Twitter, that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about charitable fundraising, and that boob jokes are firmly in the wrong way camp.

I'm always grateful when people let me know when my humour, which they found perfectly funny before I joked about anything they actually cared about, steps over the line and becomes inappropriate. I'm especially grateful when this happens when I'm trying to do something for charity, because avoiding potentially-offensive jokes is obviously more important than raising money or awareness for good causes.

My mistake was in tweeting the new post about the rants for Team Pink Eye. I didn't realise it at the time, but in my attempt to be light-hearted and amusing about a serious and upsetting subject, an approach not unprecedented here, I was in fact reducing people to their body parts and contributing to a dark and terrible world where people make jokes to raise money for fighting cancer.


What I should have said was "save boobies if possible, but more importantly save the person they are attached to because they are more valuable and their life is more important than retaining bodyparts which women are often sexualised with anyway through angry ranting!" but it was over the character limit.
This was clearly too far. I did not realise, at the time, that the seriousness of my statement would be difficult to fathom. Clearly, it does look like I actually think that breasts are a worthier cause than dying orphans. I had plenty of characters left to write "joke", or simply ditch the tweet entirely. I apologise to anyone who felt they were devalued as a person due to my shortsightedness.

In before the self-proclaimed Humourless Feminist. I have edited out the name of this person for their protection, although they did not see fit to give me the same courtesy. All of the tweets posted are this same person. We'll call her HF for short.

No, obviously not. Just the boobs. The breasts would survive perfectly well all on their own.

I'm beginning to rethink that policy.

These three tweets prompted HF to post this calm, reasonable response to her tumblr:


One tweet would have been understandable. But not two. No, 'FUCKING FOLLOW[ING] UP WITH A SECOND TWEET' was, obviously, completely unacceptable behaviour from me and I'll thoroughly deserve being choked to death with a mouse cord as soon as HF manages to defy those pesky physics which leave her simply venting her murderous rage on the internet.

If you were wondering, the answer to: "angry, ranty, and foulmouthed, what's not to like?" is apparently: joking about breasts.

Oh gosh, did I entirely miss your point? Did I not react appropriately to being chastised for using inappropriate language in my misguided attempts to raise money for a good cause? I can imagine how frustrating that must be for you!


I just can't imagine how anyone who is so easily offended liked me before this. Still, to cover my bases and flush out anyone else who was offended by careless fundraising talk:


I mistakenly thought that the issue was offending someone's sensibilities because cancer is serious (hence the phrase, "as serious as cancer", which I'm pretty sure isn't supposed to imply "not very serious at all") and I was joking about it, assuming, of course, that it was a given that cancer is bad.
I was wrong.


Dum dum dumm, thanks for playing Guess What Pedantic Bullshit I'm Whining About, better luck next time! Cancer is a game, apparently.
So the issue is that I was reducing people to their body parts by talking about saving the boobs. Because breast cancer cares about you and values you as an entire person. I wonder if HF has similar problems with the phrase "break a leg"?

It seems like my previous tweets were taken seriously and that HF thought I was part of some hitherto unheard of majority of people who think breasts are more important than being alive.


All cleared up, right?


Just a reminder, we're not talking about me being racist in a political speech here, this is in reference to saying 'save the boobs' while fundraising for the fight against breast cancer. I pretty much think that, in this instance, yeah. I can do that, and it's fine.

Still, the point here is that the end does not justify the means. The end being, fighting cancer and helping to save lives, and the means being telling a joke about boobs on Twitter. You decide.


OK, GUYS. It's only a joke THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL IT. After that, it's OPPRESSION.


Technically, words don't intrinsically mean anything, they only have the subjective meanings that we attach to them. Nothing is objectively offensive.


Honestly, I'm not sure where feminism came into it, but you don't waste an invitation like that. However, breast cancer doesn't only effect females, it also effects men.


Yes, there's the accusation you literally just asked for. That wasn't a genuine invitation?


Is the prize for this game a sense of humour? If so, I forfeit and you can have it.
No prizes for guessing why HF has been called it before, though (not least because she invites it).


So, it would have been OK and inoffensive if it was funny?

Keep going with the patronising and condescending pet names, hon.






Yes, saying "save the boobs" whilst raising money for breast cancer is akin to encouraging arsonists and must be stopped. It would be better if we simply didn't say anything and, to quote directly from HF's blog post on the subject,
it's probably better for everyone if you [people who make boob jokes] just stay out of breast cancer awareness movements altogether
We don't need more money for cancer research, if you're just going to make boob jokes while you do it. Forget it. We don't want to beat cancer that badly. Just go home.

HF, deciding apparently that the game was over, went back to update her Tumblr on the subject.


OH! The game was BINGO!

Yes, you got the response you specifically and quite literally asked for. It is a shame, given that you liked my blog for me being angry and ranty and outspoken. That was all fine, apparently, until it was about a subject you disagreed on (charity). Then I'm PETA.

So, that was over, and my friends and I joked about on Twitter with one another on the subject, although none of them said anything directly to or mentioning HF by name, that I could see. I didn't tweet a general tweet including HF's name, only responses to her. Still, another charming Tumblr update:


Wankstain? Words have meanings, you know.

I actually didn't send anyone to attack her. I didn't tweet her name outside of my responses, I didn't ask anyone to speak to her, and I've taken the time to edit her name out of over 30 screenshots here, which was actually pretty irritating. If you work out who she is, please do not attack her on my behalf.
I never 'send people' to attack anyone, but occasionally the women who read my blog - who are, for the (slightly larger now) majority, intelligent, reasonable women who are capable of forming their own opinions, being offended and acting independently of me. This blog is not a front for a borg cube. It's a strange sort of feminist who doesn't credit women with the necessary brain power to be personally offended when insulted and to think up opinions in their pretty little heads all on their own.

The two women behind Team Pink Eye have put in a tremendous amount of work despite difficult personal circumstances, the bloggers and business owners involved have dedicated a lot of their time and energy to it (way more than me), and the others in this little community have donated their hard-earned cash for the cause. To insult them all with sweeping statements is pretty disgusting, and to then consider that - perfectly justified - backlash as me sending my drones to attack rather than these women having personal and legitimate grievances is the most appalling of all.

I wouldn't normally make a post about one individual, but I claim the "she started it" defence, what with her several tumblr posts accusing, insulting, and naming me, the "she insulted my friends" defence, and the "what the fuck you crazy bint, it's a joke about tits for charity", also known as the "common sense" defence. I've also refrained from naming/threatening to murder the individual, unlike her, which I think is the "moral highground" defence.

There are lots of arguments I could make, about how breasts are a part of a person and the part generally affected by breast cancer, about how humour helps to take away something's power, about how campaigns about tits are more likely to get men to donate, about how cancer doesn't care about you being a feminist, or a female, or care about you as a person, and that we could try seeing how far we got fighting cancer with political correctness and respect, but I'll wager it wouldn't be very far. In the end, though, I think the clincher is pretty much: "It's a joke about tits on Twitter for charity. Shut the fuck up."

Unfortunately, we can't ever cure righteous stupidity, but we might be able to make a dent in cancer. So, if you're not offended by my absolutely unacceptable sense of humour, please consider buying a rant, or simply just donating or entering this week's Team Pink Eye giveaways, to help us save the breasts*.




*if at all possible, but primarily the people they are attached to.

WTS Rants b/o $10 ea whisper with offer.

I'm waaaaay late on posting this, but... it's week 4 of Team Pink Eye's fundraising in October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Some time ago I mentioned my participation in this was that people could buy a rant with their donation.


The Gist

Anyone who donates $10 or more to Team Pink Eye and uses the note 'Lipsticks & Lightsabers' on the donation form will not only be eligible to enter all of this week's Team Pink Eye giveaways (see below) but will also be entitled to have their very own rant written by me, on a subject of their choosing and posted here on Lipsticksandlightsabers.com. The rant is also allowed to include one hyperlink of your choosing, so you can plug your shop, blog, whatever you like.
These rants will have the rant label and will be easy to find by anyone looking through past rants in the future.
You can also choose whether you'd like a clean version or one with expletives!

The Smallprint

Terms of Sale:

1. Any person donating $10 or more to Team Pink Eye will be entitled to have a rant written by the author of www.lipsticksandlightsabers.com and published on the blog www.lipsticksandlightsabers.com

2. The donation must include the note "Lipsticks & Lightsabers" in the available note box on the donation form. Use of this note will also indicate agreement with these terms.

3. Proof of donation must be provided to the author.

4. The published rant may include a maximum of one URL of the donator's choosing. This will be included in the introduction at the beginning of the post.

5. The subject of the rant may be determined by the donator, however, final discretion rests with the author and subjects may be rejected if they are deemed to be hateful, targeting an individual or group, or if insufficient information on the subject is available.

6. A preview of the rant can be e-mailed to the donator for minor revisions prior to publication.

7. The length of the rant will vary, and is subject to the author's discretion. No specific length is guaranteed.

8. The timeframe for the completion and delivery of the rant is subject to change, dependent on the level of interest. However, any rant not completed within 2 months (60 days) of the donation date will be eligible for refund at the donator's request.

9. Returns will not be accepted. Completed and delivered rants are not eligible for refunds.


The Method

Just click right here and click 'Donate to Frances' who is the Team Pink Eye team captain for donations. Pick any donation amount of $10 or over, and in the note box on the donation form, make sure to include the note: Lipsticks & Lightsabers.

When you've donated, e-mail anastasia@lipsticksandlightsabers.com letting me know, make sure to include the name/e-mail address on your donation and I'll get back to you to get the details for your rant.

The Bonus

Anyone who donates to get a rant will also be eligible to enter all of this week's giveaways without any extra donation. Just make sure after you've donated you visit the blogs on this list and comment to enter!

Info taken from the Team Pink Eye Blog:
We still have this weeks giveaways and the products being sold with proceeds benefitting TPE to get to the goal. Check those out here: Ragdolls Bath and Beauty, Darling Girl, Silk Naturals, Glamasaurus, Cinnamon Cosmetics, Chequered Lily, Simply Sweet Skin, Unique Pigments, and Whimsy Beading. Our best estimate is that we should have a final total by November 12.

I have submitted paperwork to my new employer to see about a matching contribution. Fingers crossed it comes through and we will have exceeded the $1,000 goal. Regardless, it is overwhelming the response TPE has received and we are honored to have been a part of it.

But it's not over yet! We have some outstanding looks and giveaways today. Todays giveaways are sponsored by Silk Naturals, Darling Girl Cosmetics, Unique Pigments, The Chequered Lily, Linnaeus Cosmetics, Cinnamon Cosmetics, and Going Grey. Details on how to enter are below.

Let's get to it! Team Pink Eye Week Four:

Cupcake's Quirky Corner

g l o s t i x

Gothique

It's French For Staircase Wit

Just A Domesticated Glitter Goddess

Lacquered, Painted, Polished

My Socks Are Better Than Your Socks

Phyrra

Silhouette Screams

Utopista Beauty Blog

Helo Kitty!

I know I'm way behind, but I'm going to distract everyone with pictures of my new kitten so you don't notice!


Meet Helo. He's 8 weeks old and joined my house last night. He enjoys running, exploring, trying to kill my computer chair's wheels, shooting down cylon raiders, sleeping on me and nomming on my hands.

^_^
He tires himself out with frolicking about every 30 minutes.
Exploring the seedy underbelly of my computer desk.
You are getting sleepy, getting very sleepy...
And, back to sleep.

Don't Feed The Trolls

My good friend Amanda just posted an absolutely excellent guide everyone should read.
Presenting...

Lesson One: There Are Assholes On The Internet

I’m not even going to get into the why’s and how’s of this. Just accept it. 50% of the people you meet on the internet will be assholes. They may be assholes in real life. They may be people blowing off steam from a bad day. They may be trolling. Who knows? The end result is the same. If you are here, also on the internet, then you have pretty much agreed to the unwritten rule that you’re going to have to deal with assholes. Put on your big-girl (or boy) panties and move on. [cont]

Read it all right here.
(psst, follow her blog while you're there)

Random Shit Tuesday Vol. 5

I love this song so much.



We're Playing Anywhere But Here

The Any Alternative giveaway ended a while ago, and I've finally gotten around to drawing a winner!
Congratulations to... Denise!
Please e-mail me for your prize :]


It was completely random - entrants' names were put into a spreadsheet (multiple times if they had multiple entries), randomised, assigned numbers and then the number was drawn from random.org.

We had some absolutely amazing entries and all of them are hilarious and well worth reading. Here's a few favourites:

Glittersniffer Cosmetics: We'll rob you blind! Literally!"
(Rach)

Glittersniffer Cosmetics: Because looking good is more important than just looking.
(Kier)

Maybe she's born with it - Maybe she caught it from Glittersniffer!
(Faye)

Glittersniffer: Fulfilling all your fears about what's in your make-up!
(Lexy-thief)

Glittersniffer Cosmetics: As addictive as crack. Though not as safe.
(Jessica)

Glittersniffer: Red lips and pinkeye.
(Awesome)

Glittersniffer...truly blinding colours
(Caitie)

Your optometrist will think you look fabulous!
(Sam - my sister!)

Glittersniffer: Because Crime Does Pay
(Arika)

Huge thanks to everyone who participated!

Watch Your Televizzles

I suppose I watch a lot of TV. I don't watch it on an actual television, so it doesn't always occur to me that I do, but the list of shows I watch(ed) is very long. I decided to do a mini-review on the two new shows I've just started watching, would anyone be interested in seeing more of these types of reviews?



Breaking Bad - This is excellent. It might not be a subject you'd normally consider, but it's such a well-written, well-acted, well-produced show that it's absolutely worth watching. The depth of emotion that the main two characters manage to convey is incredible, especially Jesse. I hope that actor goes far because some of his scenes are absolutely heart-breaking. You'll get sucked in before you realise it and be desperately attached to the main pair, and the action is gripping and has a sense of urgency and reality to it that always makes me feel in suspense. Breaking Bad is a show you should be watching, even if Skyler is the most annoying character on the frakking planet.


This is Gary. He is awesome. You might recognise him from Bones.

Alphas - Alphas just started, and it's not about werewolves which was my thought when I saw the title. It's a weird combination for a show - kind of like Charles Xavier and The X-Men Help The DoD Solve Crimes. Parts of it remind me of X-Men, early Smallville and part Fringe - each episode has a new Alpha, a new person with some extraordinary ability (early Smallville's meteor-freaks) and the team have to investigate/stop/recruit/help that person, despite being completely unqualified and untrained. There are overtones of a sinister movement orchestrating events (i.e. Fringe) but it has the rebel "Mutants first" quality that Magneto's manifesto had. The group of Alphas is made up of some interesting, diverse characters with distinct personalities and interesting powers that make watching them work together creative and fun, even if occasionally their powers seem a little too convenient.
The weakest character, in my opinion is their leader, a psychiatrist Dr Rosen. He just seems a little overacted to me - too doddery, and although the series tries to show that these people are (mostly) untrained civilians who have personal problems and use Dr Rosen for therapy as well as leadership, sometimes Rosen's character makes intuitive leaps in the investigation which are unrealistically specific and feel like cheating at plot. In conflict moments when he's forced to act out of character, he doesn't seem to particularly react or have much of an emotional impact.

I like the idea that this mismatched group have a therapist who helps keep them together and helps them not only hone their powers (old hat) but also with their personal and character problems. Dr Rosen has no powers of his own, but he still fulfils the Xavier type role pretty well because of his occupation.

Overall, I think Alphas is very watchable. The action varies between brilliant and engaging (particularly when Hicks is involved) and weirdly stunted and awkward, but there are some excellent moments and it's entertaining and has a great premise. Most of the characters are interesting, many are a nice change from standard character types (it's nice to see a useful female character who isn't an overcompensating bitchy warrior-woman type for once), and Gary is an awesome character. There's a lot of good acting and some not-so-great acting, but that's pretty typical of a new show and my hope is that it improves as the actors get used to their roles and the show continues. It's already been picked up for a second season, so I'm looking forward to see where it goes.

A Sandwich? With Words?


After finishing The Magician King (brilliant) I was looking for a new audiobook. Audiobooks are great for me, since I suffer with agoraphobia and an anxiety disorder, and I find them invaluable for helping me stay calm and control anxiety attacks in public. Finding a good audiobook is very difficult, however, because the book has to be good, the narrator has to be good and has to be the right voice for the character.

I tried listening to an Ilona Andrews audiobook, but the narrator (Renée Raudman) reads everything in a faux-deep Batman-esque melodramatic voice, which drove me crazy. I mean, everything, every little bit of narrative. After a few minutes I couldn't listen anymore, so I'll have to read those on my kindle instead.
I was really pleased when I discovered that the Dresden Files (which were on my reading list) are narrated by James Marsters. Yes, that James Marsters. He doesn't have the faux-British accent for Harry but he still sounds pretty Spike-y and his voice is perfect for the books. He reads them really well, so I'm working my way through that series now. I'm on the second book and so far, I'd really recommend them.

Get The Fruit! Get The Fruit!

I've been on a bit of a retro(ish) game kick recently. After beating the main game on Pokémon White, I started re-playing Pokémon Emerald, mostly just so I could take this screenshot:


On a whim, I bought a slim PS2, wanting to re-play Final Fantasy IX on it. Then I discovered it wouldn't play on it. I don't know if it's because the unit itself is broken or if it's because it doesn't support FF IX - the slim PS2 is supposed to be backwards compatible but I've read that some titles are unsupported. Either way, the eBay store I got it from has been incredibly helpful and is exchanging it for me with an original PS2, so I can neglect the blog more and run around on a chocobo. They're even sending me a prepaid shipping label to return the slim PS2 with, and have been incredibly friendly and helpful and so on. If anyone in England is after slightly older pre-owned consoles or games for them, I recommend Gadgets4Everyone.

Lassie Always Gets A Treat

Some very good friends of mine have been busy organising the Team Pink Eye Project, a fundraising effort for the makeup community for Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October. Bloggers are invited to host giveaways or do pink EOTD/FOTD/NOTDs and many indie sellers have graciously donated prizes or funds from sales, all to help raise awareness about Breast Cancer, self-checking, and raise money for research.
I'm participating too, but since I look dreadful in pink I'm doing something a little different.

Anyone who wants to donate $10 or more to the Team Pink Eye Project can have their very own rant written by me and posted on the blog. The subject can be anything you like, with a few restrictions (nothing nasty/individually targeted/prejudiced - this is supposed to be fun!) and the length will vary, largely dependant on what I have to say on the subject. You can specify whether you want it with or without expletives and they'll all include the donator's name and a link of their choice, whether to their blog, website, Etsy shop, whatever.

I'll post more details when it starts in October, but there's still a few hours left for you to join in with TPE with your blog/shop or just help spread the word, so please check out their blog and get in touch if you want to take part.

Read Moar

  • My wonderful friend Lo, who's one of those brilliant people who's going to grow up to be president of something, has started her own blog and you should follow it.

  • Heartsy? More like failsy.

  • Siryn is amazing and annoyingly talented. She posts makeup looks based on comic characters. She knows way more about comics than I do.

There's a million things I should link, too many to sort through. My blogroll badly needs updating, but I'm putting it off until I switch to Wordpress.

All Other Times

I know I've been a terrible blogger lately. I tend to disappear whenever I've got stuff going on, because I can't write very well if I'm upset.
I have a metric fuckton of things to swatch. Over two hundred. Including a MASSIVE Evil Shades follow-up, long overdue Black Rose Minerals, Morgana lip balms, a new UK drugstore brand, four Sleek palettes, Detrivore, Persephone Minerals, a huge Shiro haul, Fyrinnae, Brazen, more drugstore stuff, and more on the way including Lost in Makeupland, RABB, and others.

I'm looking for advice on lip swatches - mine are always terrible, rarely in focus and they never properly show the colour. Does anyone have tips for decent lip swatches?

I'm not very good at this 'asking the audience questions' thing, because I usually just assume people will tell me whatever they want me to know, but here goes:

  • Are you interested in mini TV show reviews? What are your favourite shows, past or present? Anything new I should watch?

  • Your favourite games console? Computers count.

  • I'm trying to try more indies and new companies - is there anything you'd like to see me try/review?

  • I'm considering not posting EOTDs anymore. Would anyone mind?

  • Life okay?

Contrary to popular opinion...

Britain is not one country. Europe is not one country.



This is a globe. Look at one.

I am from Britain, but more precisely, I am from England. England, not London. Britain is short for Great Britain which includes England, Scotland, and Wales. The UK is short for the United Kingdom, more accurately the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Someone born in Northern Ireland is not British, but an English, Scottish or Welsh person is, and they are all from the UK.

I don't speak British, I speak English. If you want to visit Britain, you want to visit Scotland, Wales, and England - but not Ireland. If you have a friend in the UK, they could be in one of four different countries.

Similarly, Europe is not one country. It is not a small collection of countries that comprises only of the UK, the Netherlands, Spain, France, Germany, and thatcountryIKEAcomesfrom. Europe, whilst being small in terms of geographical size and population, covers more countries than any other continent, and they aren't all countries where everyone wears berets and visits art galleries and are delightfully continental.

Europe contains fifty different countries, more or less, and these are:

Albania, Andorra, Armenia, Austria, Belarus, Belgium, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Kosovo, Latvia, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macedonia, Malta, Moldova, Monaco, Montenegro, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, San Marino, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Ukraine, United Kingdom, and Vatican City.

When you say "I want to visit Europe", please bear in mind you're not just talking about England, France, Germany, Spain etc. You're including Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Russia, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Bulgaria, Bosnia and thirty seven other countries. Describing something or someone as European when you have no idea what Europe comprises of looks, and is, ignorant. Saying you love "European food" is stupid, unless you really have tried and love the cuisine from every country on that list.

If you didn't know before, you do now. Please, for the love of baguettes, think before you call something "European".

Read More:
You can find out other basic information about the world we live in right here. It may not be a reliable tool for writing essays, but it's a great starting point and it beats looking like a moron.




RANT DISCLAIMER: If you think I'm talking about you, and you think I'm wrong and are upset that I'm talking about you and making incorrect assumptions, first please consider that I'm probably not talking about you.

This Is Madness.

Today is the last day to enter the Glittersniffer Comeback giveaway, so make sure you've got your entries in.


If you're hurting for material to help you come up with an ironic slogan for them, Lela's latest antics might provide inspiration.

A few days ago, Lela, creative criminal genius behind Glittersniffer posted on Facebook the full name, address and phonenumber of Frances, the woman who runs the Glittersniffer Complaints blog. She continued to say that, if that one was incorrect, she had five other addresses for Frances and details of her living family members and would 'keep going until her demands were met'.

This version is censored to hide some of the information,
as I don't want to do Lela's job for her.

Way to sound like a reasonable and legitimate business owner, Lela! Also, this has been bugging me for ages, learn the fucking difference between slander and libel. It's neither, but, you know.
The post was quickly removed but not because she was sorry about it - this was her status immediately afterwards, gloating.
It was also not before many of her followers saw it, some commenting and 'liking' the post. At this point, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that any of Lela's followers who think this behaviour is acceptable should be sharing her fucking jail cell ♥. They'd better hope none of them ever complain about their orders, or they might end up getting the same treatment.

Mob scare tactics aside, Frances will not be taking down the Glittersniffer Complaints blog as Lela 'requested'. All Glittersniffer Complaints has ever done is post factual information and documented evidence on the business' practices and issues which affect their customers' safety and financial recompense. If Glittersniffer had done nothing wrong, there would be nothing to post. Threatening the safety of Frances and her family members in order to get the page taken down does not make you look like an injured victim, Lela.
This behaviour comes after she e-mailed Frances at work to try and intimidate her.

Hours later, Lela posted... not an apology, but another cop-out excuse coupled with a guilt-trip to try and excuse her publicly threatening Glittersniffer Complaints.

Notice how she doesn't take responsibility for what she just did or apologise for it. Apparently, Lela hasn't explained to her son that the reason other mommies are mean to his mommy is because his mommy stole their money and injured their children, and then threatened the other mommies. No, it's completely unreasonable of us not to simply let her rip us off so she can support her family by defrauding people.

For the record, Glittersniffer Complaints has never interfered with Lela's personal or family affairs. Frances also knows the personal details of Lela's whereabouts and where Lela works, and has not disclosed this information and won't, because she's a decent human being and not trying to be the Godfather.


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